Pain

"Pain"

Les pains

This word in French le pain means "bread,"  the sustenance of life, a basic staple. it is served at no cost in French restaurants. In English it is much different as it refers to discomfort, hurt and suffering. And yet this also can be a basic staple of life. It is also served freely and often in our life experiences.  In fact, this thought has been with me throughout the Lenten season that has just concluded. Part of it has been due to a sermon by my pastor, Scott Herr, at The American Church in Paris at the beginning of Lent. He spoke from Mark 8:31-38 where Jesus rebukes Peter and then tells the disciples that 'if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Statue at the Kuntsmuseum in Basel

The Spire at the American Church In Paris!

Scott elaborated that three time Mark repeats Jesus' prediction of the cross and his death and this in just 16 short chapters, so it must have been important for him! He also commented that Jesus didn't say "I am taking up my cross and I will follow the way of pain and suffering" but that we are to take up our cross and follow him. We are to partake in the suffering of the crucified Christ. This is not really a message that we like to hear in the western world. We avoid pain, the suffering kind, not the bread, because frankly . . .  it hurts! And yet here is Jesus telling us, this is normal. We are to experience the life of Chris,t and that includes the suffering and painful parts.  Clearly picking up the cross meant following the way of death, it meant pain.
I have understood this in part through my faith journey and yet this year the clear call to pain became more indelibly imprinted upon my heart. You see I like to try to navigate life as painlessly as possible, not that I have been successful, but I want to deal with the pain on my terms. However, this message pointed out how that is not the way, this verse clearly illustrates that the suffering is on God's terms not ours. We are to pick up the cross and come after Jesus, follow him with those burdens. His way, not mine, ouch! And yet through the lent season as I have contemplated this message many times I also realized that the pain is the only way to realize the resurrection, the hope of new life. It is through the pain that God works on our hearts and heals us. It is through the agony that Jesus is revealed and developed in our character and lives.

I have to be honest, I don't like pain! I have tried to convince God of this but he seems to have a different agenda.
The last year few years have been filled with much pain for me and I have often wondered "when will it end?" Bankruptcy, divorce, separation for vast amounts of time from my kids, periods of homelessness and loneliness,  cancer, broken bones, surgeries, broken relationships, moving from one job to another- not by my choice. In fact, the day after I had heard this message and began to come to terms with the reality that pain needs to be befriended as it may be a constant companion, I found out about a secret team meeting to discuss my future with the Flash.  Through the next couple of weeks as I questioned management and others about what was going on, I experienced even more pain as I was lied to repeatedly and eventually released by the club after losing two games by a total of 10 points even though our defense proved very stout in those defeats.  Personally it was a very painful process as I felt unjustly blamed for what was going on with the team and believed we were on the cusp of turning things around.

Flash  friends

As I have had a chance to reflect on the pain of that situation I also realize how petty my sufferings were in relation to the blame that Christ took on himself on the cross. Did it and does it still hurt? Yes! To feel like a failure is never a fun experience and yet even in this there has been rebirth. I was offered a position with the Basel Gladiators in Switzerland within 4 hours of my being fired by the Flash. I took that position as the defensive coordinator and am now enjoying the fresh air and beauty of Switzerland as opposed to the sirens,  mean streets, and poverty of Paris.  I have to admit that like the disciples I was afraid and ashamed after some of the painful experiences of the past few years. I have struggled with bitterness. And yet just as he did with the disciples after the resurrection, Jesus come after me and  called me back to him repeatedly.  To follow again, to love and pray for my enemies, to forgive and see them through the eyes of Christ. To refocus on what he called me to do. To love people for Christ through the avenue of sport. To bring hope through sport and play to those without hope. I thought it would be in Paris and yet God had different plans for this year.

Paris

So I am now a Gladiator!

The team is a breath of fresh air in that practice attendance is amazing and guys are punctual and willing to learn and find ways to win together.  I miss the players I have left and it feels strange to now be with a third team in less than 12 months. It is a hard adjustment to re-establish a temporary home, discover the nuances of a new culture and try to develop new levels of trust and relationship. I often feel like I am failing and yet need to pick up the cross embrace the pain and follow  through joy knowing that God has plans and desires far greater than mine.

I have also come to a realization that I have been asking the wrong question. It is not when the pain will end, because it won't, it is part and parcel of following Christ. Instead I need to focus on discovering what I can learn from the Master, through the pain, as he molds me into what he wants me to be which is a painful experience in and of itself! And yet one which brings about new life and deeper understandings of the love of God! Bless you Flash and Butchers and Let's Go Gladiators!

Jim