Pain

"Pain"

Les pains

This word in French le pain means "bread,"  the sustenance of life, a basic staple. it is served at no cost in French restaurants. In English it is much different as it refers to discomfort, hurt and suffering. And yet this also can be a basic staple of life. It is also served freely and often in our life experiences.  In fact, this thought has been with me throughout the Lenten season that has just concluded. Part of it has been due to a sermon by my pastor, Scott Herr, at The American Church in Paris at the beginning of Lent. He spoke from Mark 8:31-38 where Jesus rebukes Peter and then tells the disciples that 'if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Statue at the Kuntsmuseum in Basel

The Spire at the American Church In Paris!

Scott elaborated that three time Mark repeats Jesus' prediction of the cross and his death and this in just 16 short chapters, so it must have been important for him! He also commented that Jesus didn't say "I am taking up my cross and I will follow the way of pain and suffering" but that we are to take up our cross and follow him. We are to partake in the suffering of the crucified Christ. This is not really a message that we like to hear in the western world. We avoid pain, the suffering kind, not the bread, because frankly . . .  it hurts! And yet here is Jesus telling us, this is normal. We are to experience the life of Chris,t and that includes the suffering and painful parts.  Clearly picking up the cross meant following the way of death, it meant pain.
I have understood this in part through my faith journey and yet this year the clear call to pain became more indelibly imprinted upon my heart. You see I like to try to navigate life as painlessly as possible, not that I have been successful, but I want to deal with the pain on my terms. However, this message pointed out how that is not the way, this verse clearly illustrates that the suffering is on God's terms not ours. We are to pick up the cross and come after Jesus, follow him with those burdens. His way, not mine, ouch! And yet through the lent season as I have contemplated this message many times I also realized that the pain is the only way to realize the resurrection, the hope of new life. It is through the pain that God works on our hearts and heals us. It is through the agony that Jesus is revealed and developed in our character and lives.

I have to be honest, I don't like pain! I have tried to convince God of this but he seems to have a different agenda.
The last year few years have been filled with much pain for me and I have often wondered "when will it end?" Bankruptcy, divorce, separation for vast amounts of time from my kids, periods of homelessness and loneliness,  cancer, broken bones, surgeries, broken relationships, moving from one job to another- not by my choice. In fact, the day after I had heard this message and began to come to terms with the reality that pain needs to be befriended as it may be a constant companion, I found out about a secret team meeting to discuss my future with the Flash.  Through the next couple of weeks as I questioned management and others about what was going on, I experienced even more pain as I was lied to repeatedly and eventually released by the club after losing two games by a total of 10 points even though our defense proved very stout in those defeats.  Personally it was a very painful process as I felt unjustly blamed for what was going on with the team and believed we were on the cusp of turning things around.

Flash  friends

As I have had a chance to reflect on the pain of that situation I also realize how petty my sufferings were in relation to the blame that Christ took on himself on the cross. Did it and does it still hurt? Yes! To feel like a failure is never a fun experience and yet even in this there has been rebirth. I was offered a position with the Basel Gladiators in Switzerland within 4 hours of my being fired by the Flash. I took that position as the defensive coordinator and am now enjoying the fresh air and beauty of Switzerland as opposed to the sirens,  mean streets, and poverty of Paris.  I have to admit that like the disciples I was afraid and ashamed after some of the painful experiences of the past few years. I have struggled with bitterness. And yet just as he did with the disciples after the resurrection, Jesus come after me and  called me back to him repeatedly.  To follow again, to love and pray for my enemies, to forgive and see them through the eyes of Christ. To refocus on what he called me to do. To love people for Christ through the avenue of sport. To bring hope through sport and play to those without hope. I thought it would be in Paris and yet God had different plans for this year.

Paris

So I am now a Gladiator!

The team is a breath of fresh air in that practice attendance is amazing and guys are punctual and willing to learn and find ways to win together.  I miss the players I have left and it feels strange to now be with a third team in less than 12 months. It is a hard adjustment to re-establish a temporary home, discover the nuances of a new culture and try to develop new levels of trust and relationship. I often feel like I am failing and yet need to pick up the cross embrace the pain and follow  through joy knowing that God has plans and desires far greater than mine.

I have also come to a realization that I have been asking the wrong question. It is not when the pain will end, because it won't, it is part and parcel of following Christ. Instead I need to focus on discovering what I can learn from the Master, through the pain, as he molds me into what he wants me to be which is a painful experience in and of itself! And yet one which brings about new life and deeper understandings of the love of God! Bless you Flash and Butchers and Let's Go Gladiators!

Jim

Contradictions

This week has been one of contemplation and reflection on a major question; What are you living for? This question has been one that has haunted me all week as I have observed life here in Finland and it has led me to discover a number of what I refer to as contradictions of life as seen from my perspective. Let me first of  all explain that my impression of Finnish culture is that it is very reserved and people rarely display emotions of any kind. There are not many displays of joy, sorrow, disappointment, frustration or anything. People are generally quiet and polite as opposed to loud mouthed Americans like myself. In fact from the coaching side that has been one of my greatest struggles is to get our players with the Butchers to communicate and make calls on defense. I ask them to call out strength calls, pass routes, ball calls and other common calls that will help us become a more coherent unit and I have to constantly implore them to be loud. I have communicated that I know it is against their base instincts but that they are playing an American game and so they have to be a bit more like Americans, loud and obnoxious when playing this crazy sport.

These reserved Finns however come out of their shells with alcohol on the weekends and it is a radical transformation. People of few words suddenly will spill their guts out to you and talk incessantly. After our victory last Friday night against Lappeenranta 31-21, I went out with some of our players to Wilhelm, a riverfront cafe and bar and met some locals who recognized me from the newspaper. I had a great time talking with them and getting their impressions of the Butchers, Finland, the United States and many other topics. Later we moved to a club called Amarillo where more of our players were at. As usual at clubs like this the venue was loud, people were drinking heavily and Finns suddenly became gregarious. This contradictory personality shift is a common theme that we Americans have discussed often. While the evening was enjoyable in one sense it was also a disconcerting time. Since my ride home left me at some point, I walked home and had an opportunity to reflect upon the emptiness of the bar scene that I left.
A few days later I ate at Seireeni, a very nice restaurant that sponsors us and where we get a meal every day during the week. Since I am there almost every day I have begun to get to know the wait staff a bit and I asked one of them, who I knew had the weekend off,  "how was your weekend?"
She replied "great!"
My curiosity was aroused by this very positive response so I asked "what made it so great?" to which she answered "lots of drinking!"
Once again I was struck by this perspective that life is about making it to the weekend and then getting as drunk as possible. This seems so empty, not to mention expensive as a beer at a pub costs about 5 Euros or $7. So I began to reflect on what is there that people live for here. This reflection really hit home when our junior team was impacted by the death of one of their friends and a former player on the team. The young man had disappeared about a month ago after disturbing phone calls to friends and family which were cries for help. His body was discovered this week in the Porvoo river. He had apparently become disenchanted with life and committed suicide. He had found no reason to continue living.  I realize that this same situation exists around the world and is common as well in the U.S. but it seems more acute here as we in the U.S. will often fulfill our lives through our work or careers whereas work here is a means to provide a lifestyle. In the U.S. we also have many more people searching for meaning to life whereas here in Europe secularization is so deeply rooted that that question is not even considered anymore. Life just is, it is as if the question is a moot one here because life is about existing as comfortably as possible and meaning is irrelevant.

From a faith perspective this brings up another strong contradiction that I have observed here and that is the role of the church. In Finland 92% of people are Lutheran and belong to the church. While this may sound like an impressive figure it is a pure statistical anomaly. As I have been told repeatedly, people are members of the church but do not attend. I responded to one friend who told me this by saying "oh, I get it so they go twice a year, Christmas and Easter, we have many people at home who do that as well." He laughed and said "not quite, they go maybe two or three times in their lifetime."
The purpose of joining the church in Finland is so that your children can be Christened and you can get married and buried in the church. In fact if you are a member of a church in Finland you pay taxes to belong. Part of your income is taxed and given to the church. Not exactly a marketing tool that would go over well in the U.S. for church growth. I have gone to an International church in Helsinki and one of the pastors of this congregation of about 30-40 people told me that during the war years here people's faith really blossomed as they called out to God for help and he answered. However as the affluence of the country continued to grow, people didn't seem to see a need for God and began to take credit for the blessings in the country.  As a result, he felt that people have forgotten the God who rescued them and answered their prayers when they were oppressed. He was saddened by this as he has lived through the changes and yet he is hopeful that God could still reach his people in someway.

This contradiction of a Lutheran church supported by the Finnish government where people belong but don't attend as religion is a private affair is startling. Especially since Luther's reforms were in part about allowing people to reconnect to the church in a more organic way and establish a community of believers rather than a bureaucratic organization. There are beautiful cathedrals here that people take pictures of and worship the architecture while they are almost empty of true worshipers inside.
Another major contradiction that amazes me is with our players who work so hard to train and play football at the highest levels in Europe but then continue to smoke. This is 2010 and I am constantly amazed that people who are concerned with their health and fitness will continue to smoke after working that hard when they know that the action will cause harm to themselves and those around them. It's not just our players either it is all kinds of people who come off the practice field after playing field hockey, soccer, or bandy and then light up. I have to admit that our players don't do that. But I hope that they will come to the realization that it is not enhancing their performance.
All of this pondering has also caused me to look at the contradictions of my life as well as I am acutely aware of my many shortcomings and  inconsistencies. Sometimes it is when we get out of our comfort zones that we can see more clearly our own idiosyncrasies and failings. My hope is that I can begin to answer the question "what am I living for?" more clearly.  Jesus stated that  he came to bring life abundantly and it is my hope that my life will reflect that abundance and that I can experience his fulfillment. I see these contradictions not in a condemning spirit as I recognize my own need for a contrite heart. As George Buttrick wrote,

"contrition is not easy work: it is surgery, it is not an end in itself: the wise prayer of confession always leads to an acceptance of God's pardon . . .God does not wish us to remember, except as a reminder of our dependence, for he is willing to forget anything." From Devotional Classics. pp101-102.

This week I look forward to seeing beyond contradictions and  to bring hope to friends who could use it as one blind beggar telling another where to get food. I also look forward to our game against the Jyvaskyla Jaguars as it poses another contradiction: a renewed Northwest Conference rivalry here in Finland as they have three players from Willamette University on their team. So here's to an old Whitworth Pirate overcoming some former Bearcats in Finland, who would have imagined?