NFL Lockout Horror Evaded!

NFL Lockout Horror Evaded.

                Society has been saved! The National Football League (NFL) lockout has ended and players and owners have come to an agreement on a new collective bargaining agreement. For fans of the NFL this is wonderful news. The season will proceed, and players and owners will once again be able to accumulate millions of dollars for their hard work.

Ray Lewis

                The great news however, is that society will now be safe.  Safe from the predicted crime wave that Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis warned us would be coming if the season did not proceed. Lewis knows a bit about crime as he was present during a homicide in which he never clearly explained  what happened, so when he speaks about crime I listen. After all he is in touch with those groups of people more than I am so if he says that if the NFL doesn’t play it would create a major crime wave as fans would have nothing else to do but commit crimes, I listen.  It makes sense because if I can’t watch games on TV on Sundays I guess my only other option is to knock off a liquor store or commit some other crime.  Some people would mistakenly believe that people may choose to do something like go to a beach or a lake or spend time with their family if no games were on. Others might fantasize that people might  get to know their next door neighbors and create real communities as they might be outside working or playing rather than being glued to the television.  However, they would most likely be wrong as Lewis probably has a better sense of the pulse of the average football fan.

Mackenzie McGrady Hurdling a Rooster!

                After all, I am sure that Roger Goodell and the marketing departments for the NFL and its teams would concur that the primary target group for NFL fans is those who commit crimes when bored.  After all aren’t those the people who will be spending their hard earned, or rather stolen, money on the variety of products that sponsors hawk on television and at the games? What organization would not be proud when their team gear is represented in mug shots? I haven’t done the research yet, but I am assume that Lewis did since he has spent time in higher education at the University of Miami, probably as a criminal justice major, that if we look at statistics we would see a sudden decrease in crime every fall. As football season ends in the late winter/ early spring we probably would see a huge spike in criminal activity as the NBA obviously can’t detract fans violence prone behavior as well as football. I am so happy that the lockout is over as I now feel as if I will be able to once again walk the streets in safety, leave my doors and windows wide open, and leave my keys in my car where I won’t lose them anymore. America is once again safe from crime! Way to go players and owners for your wonderful civic consciousness!

Adrian Peterson

                In other ways though, I am sad that the lockout is over. Despite the great lack of crime we are about to experience, we have once again signed players to contracts that still place them into an unacceptable social position. As Adrian Peterson, the Minnesota Vikings running back, so aptly observed during the lockout players are once again relegated to a form of slavery that is unacceptable for any forward thinking person. After all, how are these players supposed to live free lives when they have to live in the city where their employment is for six months out of the year?  I mean imagine if you were working for Microsoft and they actually expected you to move to the Seattle area just because their headquarters are their? How crazy would that be?    Peterson is right,  Kunta Kinte would be appalled at his working conditions.  How could any owner expect his players to live under such horrific conditions?  Paying them millions of dollars per year only to trade or sell them when their productivity wanes? What do these owners expect these players to do save up some of the money they pay them for the day when their playing days are over?  No I am afraid that as fans we will once again be mesmerized by the thrill of the game and completely forget the inhumane lifestyle that the owners force these players to undertake. The end of the lockout means that we will unfortunately be condoning modern day slavery once again.

Christopher Watkins and Mackenzie McGrady

                Most importantly I will miss the lockout for the entertainment value that it provided.  During the season when players are under contract they are restricted in what they say to the media. They self impose bans on speech in order to not provide bulletin board material for other teams.  Management also has greater control over messages as they want to protect their brand image. So in this era of coach and player speak it is hard to get great quotes from players like Peterson and Lewis. So unfortunately we will be back to the standard lines such as “we just need to step it up on defense next week because they are a great offensive team.”

                I do have to admit though that here in Europe the lockout has been an amusing side show as it has been an exciting time for football. The USA once again won the World Championships in Austria in July, National leagues have been crowning champions all over Europe and the game continues to grow and develop. We at the Butchers are once again in a hunt for a seventh consecutive championship with a very young and inexperienced team who continues to show great enthusiasm for the game. Last night we defeated the Lapeneranta Border Knights in an incredibly exciting game 48-45. Last time we played them we came from behind to win 60-54. This time the Knights went up 45-41 with 37 seconds left  in the game on a  pass from Dan Selway from Redlands University to Nate Kmik their new import from Mount Union College and the NCAA D-III player of the year. However due to rules determining playoff position they needed to beat us by 7 points to get homefield advantage in the playoffs so they went for it and tried an on side kick. We recovered and scored a touchdown with 17 seconds left. They were not finished however as they drove down the field and were threatening to tie the game until with 8 seconds left Layton Brown stepped in front of a Selway pass and intercepted it to seal the victory and a guaranteed second seed in the playoffs and home field advantage. It was a great game for URHO TV and an exciting battle to the end. The television ratings here continue to rise as well so maybe we can link a drop in the crime rate here in Finland to the growth of the game. Blessings to you!

One of two safeties for our defense against the Helsinki Roosters