A Champion's Heart: In the Trenches: Sobs In Switzerland

Emma, Brenna and Grayson at Mummiworld

It is raining today in Zurich, and not only outside. Inside the terminal I sit and sob. Tears flow as I watch the Air Canada flight bound for Toronto and eventually onto Seattle rise into the sky taking my kids back home to the states after a wonderful 2 ½ week holiday in Finland. They arrived on July 6^th and the last few weeks have been filled with busyness, crowded living conditions in my studio apartment in Porvoo, conflict between siblings, joy, laughter and hugs. I have a friend here who chides Americans for always saying “I love you.” This is actually a fairly common stereotype of us yanks that we effuse emotions at the drop of a hat and say things that we half mean. This is in stark contrast to the Finnish way of dealing with things in a precise and matter of fact manner. If you say this was the greatest experience of your life then it had better be exactly that, THE GREATEST. While I understand the honesty in the Finnish approach it also leaves much room for emotions to be expressed openly, for praise to be lavished, and appreciation felt. While we Americans often are “over the top,” today’s tears are heartfelt as I already miss my kids and I do love them very much. In fact watching them fly away I wonder do they know how much? Have I demonstrated it enough? It was so hard to watch Grayson fight back the tears and wipe them away in his blanket while holding his new Mummi as he boarded the plane.

Grayson using his artistic abilities

This is especially a hard question for me as I have had to be away from them for the better part of 6 months each of the last two years, as I coach overseas. Don’t get me wrong I am no hero serving my country in a foreign land in the armed forces. The dedication of those men and women is incredible and they deserve all the credit they can get. I am simply a football coach trying to eek out a living coaching a game that I love and influence people with the reality that God loves them. I hope that in that process I can also overcome some of the stereotypes of Americans that foreigners have and represent my country in some small way with the sharing of our culture through a very American sport. However, my feelings of sadness being away from my kids are no less real than those serving in our military. And if the stereotype of being overly emotional is judged on my feelings today I will not be able to overcome that! The joy I had when they were here was immeasurable. Being able to walk around Porvoo, have lunch with them every day at Walgrens, go to the grocery store and just live a daily life in Finland was wonderful. As was swimming in the sea, going to Mummiworld and visiting historic sites. But nothing compared to having them come and hug me at half-time and at the end of our games as they endured the heat, and yes at times boredom of watching a game. For a 5-year-old a football game can seem like an eternity!

Brenna at the Porvoo Fire Station

Those hugs, those whispers of ”I love you daddy” and the smiles of wonder as they tried to figure out Finland will keep me going for many more weeks. I am so thankful to be able to share my life here with them, but as the plane flew away those same memories brought about streams of tears as I realized how wonderful they were. We have a game tomorrow and I won’t be getting those halftime hugs and that makes me sad.

Emma and Mummimaiden

But it also reminds me that while what I am doing is important in many ways, it is still a game. If we lose a game will I feel badly? Yes, will it hurt like I hurt right now, it shouldn’t. You see these children of mine remind me of what is really important-relationships. We hope this year to win a record setting seventh straight Finnish National Championship, a dominant display in any sport at any level. However, this season has already been a wonderful one as I feel like we have bonded as a team and developed solid lifelong relationships. This young team has come together in a spirit of fun, challenge and adventure and has challenged once again for the top spot in Finnish American Football. While the accomplishment may be monumental it is overshadowed in my mind by the development of those relationships that we share. The memories of traveling , the stories that will be told for years to come about times with guys on the field and off are what this experience is really all about.

Brenna showing off her chipmunk cheeks

Having the team rally around me as my kids were here was wonderful. The American players Layton, Mac, and Chris were so giving in allowing us use of the car when we needed it. Videos were generously loaned so that kids could enjoy movies such as Harry Potter, Shawn the Sheep, Ice Age,and Cars during spare times at the apartment. Play dates and swimming with other kids also helped in my kids cultural experience and added to the fun. I will always remember this time and treasure it, not only for what it meant to my kids but for the lessons I learned on perspective.

The sun pokes out occasionally here in Zurich as I write this and my disposition lightens at times. I think of those times I have had and while I would like to have more of them I also am so thankful for what I did receive in time, warmth, and being able to be a dad while in a difficult spot occupationally and relationally. Thanks Butchers for the gift of my kids for the time they were here! What a blessing! It still makes me cry though! Americans. Go figure!